| Question |
As a child I was brought up in a Christian household and taught that we
should always forgive people who hurt us, and I still do, but am having a
lot of difficulty doing this toward my ex husband and his family. We have
two very bright and loving daughters between us but he has moved on and
remarried and taken on two more children with his new wife. The problem
lies with the fact that he doesn't see our daughters because his wife
doesn't want him to have anything to do with me. We don't live near each
other, in fact several miles away, so the opportunity to see them is rare
anyway but he doesn't call them unless his wife is out and they don't ring
him in case she answers the phone! Our daughters are young teenagers so
they know what is going on and I have tried to talk to my ex about it but he
just denies the situation is happening. Meanwhile my daughters are becoming
very despondent and feeling hurt by the whole situation which is what I am
finding very difficult to understand and deal with, and this is only the tip
of the iceberg really but I know you are a very busy person so will not take
up too much of your time.
So, should we always forgive no matter what or are there times when it's
okay to feel someone doesn't deserve forgiveness? Thank you for you time.
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| Response |
I am so sorry that your daughters and you are having to suffer in this way. I cannot imagine the hurt of a dad who is not able or willing to stay in touch with his daughters. From your email, I sense that in his circumstances, it causes stress between him and his new wife and does not want to hurt that
relationship. What a dilemma! I think the Lord would tell you to be
forgiving of him though you will obviously feel the frustration of his actions.
The real opportunity here is taught by Jesus in a revelation to the Prophet Joseph Smith on September 11, 1831. He said, "Wherefore, I say unto you,
that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in
him the greater sin. I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of
you it is required to forgive all men. (Doctrine and Covenants | Section
64:9 - 10) Of course this is consistent with what the Lord taught during his mortal ministry when he said, "... whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. (Matthew 5:39 - 41) Then in the same "Sermon on the Mount" he added, "For if ye
forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14 - 15)
I realize this is very tough to do, but it will free you of the hurt and will teach your daughters a great principle that will be with them and help them all of their lives. Peter ask Jesus how many times they should forgive someone
who had wronged them and he suggested "seven times" and Jesus answered, "...I
say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven." (Matthew 18:22)
Ill be pulling for you. Let me know how it turns out
Sincerely,
Donny Osmond
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