The question/letter that was sent was long. This is edited.

Since I am confined to emails for my response, let me just say, don't be so hard on yourself. Remember a great eternal principle called agency. Since the very beginning of time, long before we came to this earth, our Heavenly Father introduced us to this great principle and told us that when we came to this earth, we would be allowed to choose for ourselves which way we would go. It is all part of the great test that He requires of us.

Wayward children are not necessarily a reflection on the training and Christian values taught to them as they have grown up. Because of this principle of agency, you taught correct things and they are now governing themselves, but the "lie" as you call it, does not come from you, it comes from them, in their immaturity and childish selfishness.

You haven't lied to anyone, nor have you represented to anyone that things were different than they actually are. You have been hopeful and positive and have believed good things. Yes, it's true that you are disappointed, but this is common in life. There has forever been and forever will be disappointments as we make our way through this life trying our very best to be the kind of people that our Heavenly Father and our Savior expect us to be. You might recall from your study of the scriptures that Adam and Eve, our great first parents had their disappointments as well. Their son Cain, as well as other children of theirs broke away from true gospel teachings.

Now, as to what I would do if any or all of my children had gone through the same kinds of things that your children are currently going through, I would love them anyway. That's not always easy to do because at times they are not very receptive to your love, as you well know. From there, I would begin to share from time to time what God has said regarding what kind of substances we put into our bodies. You might quote the great apostle Paul from 1st Corinthians 3:16-17 when he said,

"Know ye not that ye are the temple of God and the spirit of God dwelleth in you. If any man defileth the temple of God, him shall God destroy. For the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are."

Here's the frustrating thing, your sons aren't necessarily looking for any kind of advice from you, but if you have the leverage of the love which they have for you to work from, then you can make some headway. I would also suggest going to the library or search the Internet and find a couple of articles on the tragedy of drug abuse and alcoholism. Don't read it to them. They don't want a lecture. Instead, make copies for them and have them read it themselves and be prepared to come to a family meeting or even at dinner time and report what they read, asking them to be prepared to discuss it. Please avoid confrontations though, particularly at the dinner table.

Indicate to them that you love them more than life itself and you want to make sure that their lives are filled with happiness and peace. Even though they are feeling quite confident in their teenage years and believe that they actually know it all (which they don't), you should simply say, "I know you think dad and ! I are totally out of it and haven't got a clue about what is going on, but I can promise you one great truth. I have been eighteen (or 15 or 13) before, but you have never been 42. I have learned over these past 40+ years about the heartaches of tobacco, alcohol and drug addictions."

I would then share what you have learned from the lives of members of your extended family and your friends. If you don't have any personal experiences to draw from, then ask people you know about their experiences. The bottom line is, the Lord has said that he will test the faith and the patience of his people. Surely, you must be one of his children because your faith and your patience is being severely tested, but the blessings will come to you for being the kind of mother that these boys need right now, and there will come a day when they will want to thank you for the love and care you gave them. Please be patient and prayerful with this process and the Lord will bless you. I'm sure of it.

You said one more thing in your email that I would like to mention. "We do not have a church base that we could really rely on right now. We felt welcomed in our church but not close to most of the members and have not been attending church regularly since last May." You then asked "God wouldn't turn His back on us just because we haven't attended church, would He? Right now I wonder at times where God is in the midst of all of this. Why are my boys seeming to ignore all that we have taught them?"

I was wondering if you would allow me to send a couple of representatives from our church to visit with your family, and explain to you what exactly it is that we believe and why. I am confident that once you have had an opportunity to hear and understand those things, you will know whether it is worth pursuing or not. I promise that if you listen to them, with a sincere heart, with a real intention of knowing what God has in store for you and how you can respond to these frustrating challenges, our Heavenly Father will bless your life with knowledge and inspiration. That is not to say that just because you learn about what we believe, there will suddenly be no more problems with your boys, but I am suggesting that there are great answers to your questions out there and I would love to share them with you.

If you and your husband would like to meet with them, please email me back and I will personally take care of it for you. Be sure to include your address and phone number again in case I lose the one that I have. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Donny Osmond


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